


Please Don’t Take Your Love Away - Chapter 2: Breathless

by Rhang



Series: Samerik: The AU [15]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hospitalization, M/M, The 5 Stages of Grief begin somewhere in here, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15042548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhang/pseuds/Rhang
Summary: He felt breathless, lightheaded and weak all at once as he prayed Sam would be okay.





	Please Don’t Take Your Love Away - Chapter 2: Breathless

**Author's Note:**

> I won’t sugarcoat this. This is going to be rough emotionally.
> 
> Erik has a panic attack that lasts for a moment but if you don’t want to read that for whatever reason just skip this altogether.
> 
>  _*To make the series more chronological I've moved this chapter from it's original position within the first fic to here as PART 15 of the series to make narrative smoother. Nothing has been changed within this chapter only it's position within the series._ -Rhang, 6/25/2018

_“I know you’re tired babe, get some sleep,” Sam said softly sitting at the back of the jet. They had one more spot to hit before heading home from the mission in the morning. He figured he’d call Erik and spend the flight talking to his husband until they had to cut all communication and were within range of the drop zone._

_“Nigga shut up. Just because I’m laying down don’t mean I’m going to sleep,” Erik said cradling the pillow under his head wishing it was Sam he was holding onto. “How you doin’?”_

_“Missing you, what else is new,” Sam confessed. He felt like this was all he said when they were on the phone now. It had been a month and Sam was just frankly tired of being away. He missed seeing his husband every day, sharing space with him._

_“Heard that. But I married Captain America didn’t I?” Erik said softly despite the pang he felt in his chest which he was doing his best to hide within his words._

_“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I should be away for months at a time,” Sam said looking around slightly upset at his job for keeping him away. The silence fell between them for a moment, each man thinking of things they just couldn’t say with so little time to talk._

_“Yeah. But think about this, just a few weeks away from our fourth anniversary. It’ll be just you and me,” Erik said softly thinking of the plans he’d worked on while Sam was away._

_Sam smiled to himself and rested his head back against the wall. “Four years married….hell yeah. I-I’m really looking forward to that love. You have no idea,” Sam said smiling._

_“I bet you are,” Erik said happily. “And just wait ‘til you see-.”_

_“Two minutes to the drop zone everyone, get ready!” Sam heard over the speakers and sighed._

_“Babe, I gotta go,” Sam said quickly._

_Erik perked up not ready to let Sam go just yet. “What do you have to do?” Erik asked instead. It was a question Erik asked Sam whenever he was in the field, to remind Sam of what mattered._

_“Come home,” Sam said deeply. “I love you babe. I’ll see you tomorrow.”_

_“I love you too Sam,” Erik said as the call ended and once again Erik was alone in the quiet of their bedroom. “See you tomorrow.”_

 

 

* * *

 After getting breakfast for Darlene and Sarah from the hospital cafeteria while they sat with Sam, Erik called the office to tell Candice he wouldn’t be able to come in for a while. He had to explain what was going on with Sam and regretfully started getting choked up talking about the rough recovery Sam was facing if he did wake up. Candice immediately told him to breathe as Erik started getting worked up. She assured him that he could take however much time he needed and that she would reassign his projects to other senior researchers in the meantime and to not to concern himself with work in any way. She gave her thoughts and prayers for Sam’s recovery and told Erik she’d be checking in on him periodically. He thanked her before he hung up and took a deep breath. He was staring off into space when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Sarah.

“Erik?” she said again. “You okay?”

“Yeah sis, I’m good. How’s Moms?” he asked composing himself again.

“She’s alright. I’m worried about you though. When’s the last time you been home?” she asked.

The days had begun to run together on him. He didn’t know the answer.

“Erik, you need to go home, regroup and come back,” Sarah said softly.

“I’m not leaving him here Sarah,” Erik said defiantly.

“Erik, how do you think Sam will feel if he saw you like this? You need a break from this place,” she pressed. “Mom can stay here with Sam. Between you two I don’t know who’s worse. I’m going to take her home tonight so giving her the day at Sam’s bedside should be alright. Let me drive you home for a bit so you can change and maybe sleep in a bed.”

Erik stared at his sister-in-law and leaned against the wall. “I don’t want to be there Sarah,” he whispered as his throat started to close on his words. “I don’t want to be there without him.”

Sarah completely understood and hugged Erik tight. She embraced him and held on. “I know, but do it for him and go home for a bit. Maybe bring something from home that will comfort him yeah?” she suggested. Erik thought about it and still didn’t want to go. “I’m going to tell Mom and I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” Erik agreed, too tired to put up much a fight anymore.

 

 

* * *

Sleeping for a few hours on the couch at home did help though Erik didn’t admit it to Sarah. She dropped him back at the hospital around 10 P.M. and picked up Darlene for the evening. Darlene didn’t want to go but Erik assured her he’d call her with any changes.

Erik settled in for the night bedside Sam yet again and turned down the lights. He turned on _Choppe_ d and laced his fingers with Sam’s. It had only been 3 days but the nurses had been saying Sam was looking better and his wounds were healing. Erik just wanted Sam to wake up already, so his heart would _know_ everything was going to be okay.

“I doubt this guy’s gonna win, his dish was lackluster and he didn’t transform the basket ingredients,” Erik whispered just talking to Sam as if they were on the couch back at home, chilling before bed.

He only vaguely remembered falling asleep around midnight.

 

 

**\--2:41 A.M.--**

“ _Give us the room! We need the room!_ ”

Erik stared at the hospital room door trying to find his breath as he heard the blaring sound of a monitor residually ringing in his ears. It startled him out of his sleep and he was quickly asked to leave Sam’s side as the doctor and nurses rushed in. He had to let go of Sam’s hand which he’d fallen asleep holding. Panic filled his heart the moment he stepped out of the room and the door closed behind him because he realized he’d caught a glimpse of Sam’s heart monitor before he walked out.

He’d seen the flat line reading with his own eyes.

He felt breathless, lightheaded and weak all at once as he prayed Sam would be okay. That Sam would still wake up despite this setback.

When the door opened, the room inside was regretfully quiet. It was as if the news announced itself within the silence before the doctor even walked out to speak to Erik. He couldn’t hear a word the doctor said even though Erik was right there in front of the man frozen in place. He was too afraid to ask what the man was saying out of fear. The doctor reached out and touched his shoulder gently.

“What?” Erik asked softly.

The doctor bowed his head and sighed. “His body was probably weakened from the injuries he sustained _and_ from trying to heal itself after the surgeries. His heart likely couldn’t take the stress. Time of death was called at 3:03 A.M. I’m sorry for your loss,” the doctor said before stepping away.

Erik stood frozen. _Sorry for your loss? Sam…he was? He couldn’t be….he couldn’t…._ He needed to see Sam; he had to make sure for himself what the doctor said was true.

Erik started walking back to the room and felt his knees shake briefly before he fell to the ground and had to catch himself with his hands. He felt the pain in his chest grow and started weeping as he felt everything settle on him suddenly.

He allowed himself to cry right there in the hallway outside of his husband’s hospital room because he was just holding Sam’s hand no more than 20 minutes ago. Twenty minutes ago his husband was right there, _he was right there_. Still on his knees, bent over in anguish, Erik covered his face with his hands and wept.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a voice ask, “Is there someone we should call? You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

He continued to cry and tried to reign in his emotions but found he couldn’t breathe. He reached to the person touching him and squeezed their arm for help. He couldn’t talk, couldn’t catch his breath. He gasped for air but wasn’t taking any into his lungs.

“Take a deep breath! Take a deep breath!” they said quickly. He tried but it was like he forgot how to breathe. “Try to relax, you’re not alone. Try to breathe.”

He struggled for what felt like five minutes to breathe before he was calm enough to take a deep breath. The nurses helped him to a seat at the nurse’s station and got him some water. The added panic of almost blacking out coupled with the news he just received made him almost wish he didn’t catch his breath.

“We’ve contacted his next of kin for you,” the nurse said softly sitting beside him.

She was a young black girl, couldn’t have been more than 25. He realized now she was the one that he had clung to in the hallway when he realized he couldn’t catch his breath.

He voice was shot, so he just nodded. He wasn’t looking forward to seeing Sarah and Darlene. He didn’t know if he could be strong for them. Not now that his heart was irrevocably broken.

**Author's Note:**

> So ummmm….yeah. I understand what you’re feeling, I do. I probably started and stopped writing this a few times because it touched a bit too close on a few personal experiences I have had with family members I’ve lost. While Erik’s reaction may be strange to some, it’s a combination of true reactions I’ve witnessed and experienced myself hearing that kind of news.
> 
> If you call it quits here I totally understand, but I hope you’ll continue on to see how Erik deals with this afterward.


End file.
